Brendan's da
by stendanandmcdeanforever
Summary: Brendan's dad turns up at the village, so he leaves for Steven's saftey. Will they be reunited or will Brendan's dad always get in the way. RATED M.
1. Chapter 1

"_20 quid says he's forgotten his keys"_

"_Yeah, he's all looks and no brains eh."_

_I pull open the door to expect to see Stephen smiling up at me telling me he has forgotten his keys or something. Never in a million years would I have expected to see this man standing before me. He is saying something but I can't comprehend what he is saying, I can barely breathe, my heart is in my throat and it feels like my airways have been cut off. My mind suddenly fills with the nightmares from when I was eight years old. I can hear Cheryl faintly in the background squealing with excitement to see him. He barges past me, and as we touch I feel like that little child again. The child that was abused by his dad, sexually and physically._

* * *

**Brendan's POV.**

I am standing in the kitchen, not really sure what to do with myself. I want to hide myself away from him as I feel his eyes boring into me, but I know I can't do that, otherwise I will look like the same old frightened self I used to be, I want to show this man that I am a better person than he is, I want him to know he can't touch me anymore, but just as I am thinking that he raises himself from the table and strides over to me. He tries to look into my eyes, but I won't meet them. He grabs hold of me and pulls me into an embrace, I try to pull away but he holds me tighter, I can feel his hot breath on my neck as he whispers,

"Ah Brenda, missed me?"

I feel like I am my eight year old self trapped in a bigger body. But when I was eight I would have took whatever he said to me on the chin, not now. He is the one person that scares me other that Stephen, but for two whole different reasons, Stephen himself does not scare me, the thought of losing him scares me. This man in front of me does scare me; he terrifies the shit out of me. I closed my eyes and tried to wipe my brain of all bad memories, thought of Stephen and Dublin, and as I did I felt stronger. I whispered back into his ear,

"Not in the slightest."

I then mustered all the strength I could and pushed him away from me, as I did he had a smirk on his face, he knew that I was putting on a front. Luckily Cheryl had her back to us. I cleared my throat before announcing that I was nipping out for a bit, Cheryl tried to convince me to stay for a bit longer but nothing she would say could work. Even though I knew my Da was a sick evil man, I knew he would never hurt Cheryl she had always been his little princess. I shrugged on my coat, shoved my phone and wallet into my pockets and walked out the front door. As soon as the door shut behind me I let out a small whimper. I let the strong front I had on disappear, but only for a minute or two. I stood up straight took a deep breath and walked.

I didn't really know where to go, I just knew anywhere was better than there. I was thinking of going to Stephen's but he was with his kids and I didn't want to disturb him. I decided on the club, the office. I walked into Chez Chez and poured myself a whisky and then trotted to the office. As I was sat in there I let my thoughts take over me. What was he doing here? What am I going to do? Shall I tell him I gay? Will Cheryl already have told him? Let it slip accidently. After about an hour and three more whisky's later I decided to go to Stephens, the kids might be in bed now.

* * *

**Stephens POV**

"Right kids, I know I haven't been 'ere for a couple of day, but it's bedtime now. Then tomorrow I will ring up the school and check to make sure it's ok for ya to go back, yeah Leah? The same for Lucas."

Leah looked up at me with her big blue eyes, just looking at them made my heart melt "Where's Daddy Doug?"

This was going to harder than I thought, I had already told her and Lucas that 'Daddy Doug' was going away for a while, but I suppose it will be hard for her to understand, I picked her up and placed her on my lap and tried to explain what was going on in the language of a six year old

"Doug has gone to America, on his own. He is going to go for a bit, but daddy dint want to go, so we stayed here instead, now that means ya get to go back to school and see ya friends, and we can see mummy again sooner, but if we went to America then we couldn't see her as much, so is it ok?"

"Yeah, can I go school tomorrow?"

"I dunno, I will have to ring ya school, cause' you finish in three days, so they might say you 'ave to wait til the new year. But that's ok, cause' you get to help decorate this place, and you get three day's extra holiday to all ya friends."

"Ok"

"Right, anyway you two, get a drink and then it's bedtime!"

We all walked over to the kitchen where I made Leah and Lucas a drink of orange, they went to the toilet whilst I sorted their beds out, I had to put some clean covers on them quickly because I hadn't got round to doing them since we got in. Once that was done I tucked them both into bed. I leant forward and placed a kiss on Leah's forehead, as I went to lean down to kiss Lucas's there was a knock on the door. I bent down kissed Lucas said a quick goodnight and walked to the door. I wondered who it was going to be, who would be calling around mine now? Brendan was going to chat with Cheryl, and If i'm honest I didn't really have anyone else who would bother coming round here apart from them to. I looked through the peep hole to see Brendan at the door, he was leaning against the wall probably trying to look sexy. I opened the door with a goofy grin on my face, but as I took in what Brendan looked like it slowly slide from my face. He wasn't leaning against the wall because he

* * *

wanted to look sexy it was because he could barely stand, his perfect face was paper white, and he looked like he was about to throw up. "Bren? Are you ok?"

I moved towards him and wrapped my arm around his waist and pulled him inside. I placed him on the sofa and he just murmured words I didn't understand. I got him a glass of water and went to sit next to him,

"Eya' drink that. What's up Bren? What's 'appened?"

"N-nuthink 'appened Stephen, just wanted to see ya."

He lent in to kiss me, I gave him a small peck on the lips, but that's all he was getting whilst he was in this state, I was worried, he never got drunk like this unless something bad had happened.

"Seriously Bren, what's happened? If ya dunt tell me I will just ring Cheryl, im sure she knows."

I went to pick up my phone but Brendan stopped me, placing his hand on my arm and saying no.

"It-it-it's my da, he turned up just' after you left."

I was spluttering words that even I didn't understand, Brendan's dad here in Hollyoaks? Surely not. How did he even have the nerve to turn up here after what he done to Brendan, he made his life hell. I wasn't sure of the whole story behind it but I had a pretty rough idea, he used to beat Brendan when he was a kid. He was a sick man. So why the hell was he here for?

* * *

**Thanks for reading. This was starting out as a one shot, but i ended up making it a fic. **

**I am hoping to add another chapter today, but some chapters might be added a bit late what with it being Christmas and everything. **

**Please, read, review and follow. It really means a lot. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to everyone that have followed or favorited this story. It really does mean a lot! Going to carry on writing the next chapter now, so hopefully will have it posted tonight. Again thank you everyone! **

* * *

Chapter Two. 

Brendan's POV.

My head was pounding and cloudy. I was wracking my brains, trying to remember what happened last night, but all that comes to mind is me sitting in Stephen's front room bawling my eyes out over my da. I felt my brain start to wake up as I tried my hardest to remember what I had told Stephen, but I couldn't, what if I told him what my da did? I will have to go and see him, ask him what I said to him, I have no choice. At that moment I felt something move next to me. I attempted to open my eyes but there was a gap in the curtain and the sunlight was shining right down onto him and this body next to him. Where am i? I slowly forced my eyes open and looked to my right to see a small body, his chest rising and falling as he breathed still asleep. I turned my body slightly and looked at the beautiful man. Why me? Why, when everything is just starting to go right something or someone ruins it? Stephen starts to fidget and I see his eye lids flutter, he is waking up. He raises his eye lids, squinting his eyes he looks at me. He closes the small gap between us, places his chin on my chest and looks into my eyes.

"You actually alive then? You were well out of it last night."

I let out a small laugh. "Ye, sorry abou' turnin' up here like dat last night Stephen."

"It's alright, I understand. Do ya want some tablets, I bet ya got a banging 'eadache."

"Ye."

Stephen climbed over me, and walked into the kitchen, I could hear him banging around and a couple of seconds later he had returned with a glass of water and some pain killers. I propped myself up on the bed, and took them from his hands. I took them and then finished the glass of water.

"Breakfast?"

"Please."

He walked back out of the room, taking the glass with him, I stayed were I was for a couple of minutes until I could hear something sizzling in the pan. Even the thought of my da being here couldn't put me in a bad mood when I was with Stephen, I could hear him trying to hum some song, but he was shit, I didn't have a clue what it was. I stood up but had to stand still for a couple of seconds because I went a little dizzy. As I made my was into the kitchen, I started singing.

"Hey hey good-looking, whatcha got cookin'? How about cookin' something up with me? I don't know the rest of the words."

I placed my arms around Stephen's waist and started kissing his neck, he turned around in my arms so he was facing me, and I kissed him on his soft lips, and he returned it. I went to kiss him again…

"Oi get out of me kitchen, unless you want burnt bacon."

"Sorry chef Stephen." I turned around and walked to the table but as I did Stephen slapped my arse.

"Did you- Did you just slap my arse?"

"Yep." He replied with a cute little grin on his face, and then he turned around and carried on with the cooking.

I chuckled to myself as I sat down at the table. As Stephen cooked our breakfast I was left to my thoughts. I couldn't have spilled too much last night, otherwise he would have said something by now? I was distracted as Stephen placed tomato and brown sauce, salt, and knife and fork down in front of me. He returned two minutes later with two plates in his hand and passed one too me. It smelled and looked delicious, two of everything, eggs, bacon, sausage, fried tomato's, beans and toast.

"mm, I could get used to this." Before covering it in brown sauce, Stephen just smiled at me.

I was half way through eating a sausage when Stephen spoke.

"Um Bren?"

"hmm"

"Last night…- I froze, that's it, he was waiting for me to wake up and get some food down me first, he has tried to make it easier for the both of us.- you told me something about ya dad and well… um, I just wondered if ya wanted to talk about it?"

I jumped out of my chair, hands waving around all over the show and shouted at Stephen,

"Wha' Stephen, wha' is there to talk about? How when I was eight years old he raped me, huh?"

Stephen sat there in genuine shock, all colour had drained from his face he was as pale as a piece of paper. His mouth was opening and closing as he was trying to form the words to speak to me. I just looked at him, I stepped over to him and placed a hand on his back, and he looked up at me, but the words he spoke next I was not expecting.

"You never said- that's not what I was on 'bout."

* * *

**Thanks for reading, i know this chapter was a bit short, but i am hoping for the next one to be a bit longer. Please leave a review. Thanks. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry for the delay in writing this, we had a power cut last night and wasn't back on until late, so i didn't really get time to finish writing it or post it. Anyway it is here now. Personally i am not as happy with this chapter as i am the other two, but please let me know what you think, it really means a lot!**

**Also thanks to those who have faviorited, followed and reviewed!**

* * *

**Chapter Three**

**Stephen's POV.**

My mind was racing with all sorts of different images and thoughts. An eight year old boy, raped by his dad? The man who was supposed to be there for you when you needed advice, the one who is supposed to protect you, not hurt you. Yeah I knew he smacked Brendan around, but I would have never of thought that! I felt my stomach jolt and next thing I know I was bolting to the toilet and sticking my head down it as I retched. I stood up and held onto the sides of the sink, I took a few deep breaths and walked back into Brendan but he was gone. I ran out the door and looked around but he had gone. I ran back inside and grabbed a pair of joggers of the floor and flung them on putting on a t-shirt as I ran out the door slamming it behind me. I was running along the street calling out his name and twisting my head frantically. Where the hell had he gone? As I reached the village I stopped calling out his name, and slowed down to a fast walk instead of racing around, but still searching for him. I was debating whether to go up to his house and ask if he was there, but is Seamus was there he might start asking questions. At that exact moment, someone was walking down the steps from Oakdale Drive, it was the same bloke who asked me where it was, then it clicked, that was Brendan's dad, the man who stole his childhood! I took all the effort I had to stop myself from going over there and doing anything to make him suffer, I knew if Brendan found out he would go mental. I looked up at his front door, I seriously doubt that he is in there, so time for plan B, Chez Chez.

The door was unlocked so someone was defiantly here, but whom? Brendan or Joel? No one was at the bar, so I walked over to the office door and tapped on it lightly before attempting to push it open, but it was locked.

"Brendan, you in there?" I called through the door.

No answer.

I knocked again, louder this time.

"Bren?"

A thought hit me, I pulled my mobile out of my pocket. Two text messages from Frankie asking when I was going to pick the kids up (I dropped them off there just after Brendan had got there, I left him sitting on the sofa, and when I returned he hadn't moved in the slightest.) I quickly closed the messages and searched my phonebook for Brendan, I dialled his number and I heard it ring from inside the office, I hung up and called through the office door again.

"Bren, I know your in there, why ya run off for?"

Still no answer.

"Right Brendan you can't hide in there forever so I will just wait here until you open this door."

I heard the lock click but the door didn't open, I pushed down the handle and slowly pushed the door open.

"What do ye want Stephen?"

"I want to know why ya ran off like that!?"

"I ran off cause ye was sick at the sight of me Stephen!"

"What? No, I weren't sick at you, I was sick at the thought of what he had done to ya!"

"I shunt have told ye."

"Why did ya then?"

"Cause I thought I told ye last night when I were drunk."

"Oh."

Silence, I didn't know what to say, I mean how do you comfort your boyfriend after he has just told you he was raped when he was eight years old?

"Bren, ya know I am here if ya wanna talk, it helps yano, when ya talk 'bout it, it did me."

"I don't wanna talk about it, I just want it gone."

"Well it's never gunna go if ya dunt talk 'bout it with someone, whether it's me, Cheryl, a councillor or the police, cause he is always going to be there, ya will always be lookin' behind ya shoulder waitin' for him to show up again."

Brendan raised from his chair and stood in front of me, but he was looking at the floor. I reached my hand out and put it underneath his chin and pushing on it, forcing him to look me in the eyes.

"Bren, I am here for ya whateva you decide to do. Ok? And I promise ya right here, it will be fine, it will work out, but please don't let him ruin this, what we have, cause we have worked so hard for it, don't let him destroy it."

Next thing I know Brendan is crying his eyes out,

"Why me, why me, why did he decide to ruin my life? Wha' did I do wrong, nutin, I did nutin! He has made me like this, he made me how I am. He is the reason I can't love anyone, I can't trust anyone, I trusted him, and look what he has done to me!"

He had lost it, he started smashing up the whole office, at first I stood and let him get on with it, there was no point in trying to stop him, its not like he would, but after he was about to smash up the filing cabnet I thought I best stop him. I grabbed hold of his arms and was pulling him towards me, which surprisingly he obeyed to the tug pretty quickly and I just held him in my arms as he sobbed onto my shoulder, clinging onto me like I was the only thing keeping here, this was the first time he had seen Brendan desperate.

"I love you Brendan Brady, and no matter what I will be here, right by your side.

* * *

**Thanks for reading, please leave a review, it really does help! x**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for the late update, it has been busy couple of days, but thought i would update it now i am back home and bored out my nut. So this is a short chapter cause i wanted the next bit to be its own chapter, i am writing it now so it should be posted later today. **

**MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!**

* * *

**Chapter Four. **

**Brendans POV**

_"Brum brum" I was pushing my cars along the window sill at the holiday home. Chez was on the beach with nana. I concentrated on my cars, I could hear his heavy footsteps approaching I tried to block them out but I couldn't, I just carried on playing with my cars.  
The door creaked open slowly and I heard him step inside my fortress, yet it was no longer safe in here, I could smell the stale Tabaco along with the fresh smell of smoke also the faint smell of whisky. He placed his half smoked cigarette on the unit next to my bed. He told me to turn around and face him, he was unzipping his trousers. I glanced over to the burning cancer stick, and watched as the ash fell to the floor…_

* * *

I bolted upright, cold sweat dripping from my forehead my breaths fast and shallow, I could feel the tears welling, look at this, a man in his thirties still having nightmares from when I was eight years old its pathetic. Stephen had sat up, he placed an arm around my shoulder and rested his chin on it.

"Hey, it was just a dream, its ok."

We just sat there for a couple of minutes like that then I broke the silence.

"It started when I was eight, we were at the family holiday home in Ireland, I had been playing in my room when he came in, he told me I was a puff, a fairy, then he told me that what he was about to do would make me a man, instead of the mouse I was. Then he, did it. Told me if I told anyone I was weak and it would ruin our family, Chez would hate me, so I didn't say anything, it happened everyday for the rest of the holiday. When we got home it stopped but then two weeks later we went back to the house, and he did it again, that time he didn't stop though, he carried on when we got back home. My nana knew."

"What do you mean your nan knew?"

"She knew what he was doing to me, but she never tried to stop him."

I could feel Stephen's tears landing on my shoulder, I turned round to look him in the eye, I went to comfort him, but instead before I could stop myself I said it.

"I killed her."

Stephen sat up and gasped,

"You- you killed her?"

"Ye, I didn't mean to, I wasn't planning it. I warned her after she told me she knew, she kept walking towards me, I was telling her to stop before I did something stupid, then she hugged me, and i…" My voice trailed off.

"Bren, if she knew and was just letting him get on with it, it makes her just as bad as him, she was a cause of it, if she spoke up then things could have been different."

"It was my nana you know?"

"Yeah I know."

"The one person I thought I could 100% trust, she was always nicer to me than Chez, used to give me a little extra money and stuff, then I find out she knew the whole time, she let him do that to me."

"Hey, you've got me, well actually ya stuck with me cause im not going anywhere."

"Good, cause I don't want ye to." I placed a small kiss on Stephen's lips, I laid down onto the bed and pulled him into me.

"Good, but I think we should sleep know, both got work in the morning and I gotta drop the kids of at Leanne's."

"Night Stephen, love you."

"Love you too."

* * *

**Please leave a review, it is much appreciated. Thanks to everyone who has, read, reviewed, favorited or followed.**


	5. Chapter 5

**I know i said i would update it yesterday but we had unexpected family turn up to celebrate the new year with us so i didn't get round to it, and today i spent finishing this chapter and stuff.**

**I hope you had a great New Years Eve/day. Happy 2013!**

* * *

**Chapter Five.**

**Brendan's POV**

I lay with a possessive arm around Stephen's waist, we both lay in silence it was four o'clock in the morning and I could tell by his breathing that he was not asleep and I am pretty sure he knows im not, but we lay together lost in our own thoughts. Today was the day I go back home, where I will have to sleep in my big cold bed alone with that man in the room above me, in the room that Lynsey once slept, but I had no choice I hadn't been home in two days I was running out of clean clothes and excuses as to why I couldn't go home. Chez kept cornering me asking why I was avoiding da and I told her I wasn't I was busy and wanted to spend time with Stephen, but all she could say was you haven't seen da in ages and you can't even stop by to say hello? Have you even told him about Stephen? Which I haven't, telling him im gay means confirming all the names he called me as a child where true, and I don't think I would be able to cope with that.  
Stephen's breathing had got deeper as he must of drifted off, I glanced to the alarm clock next to the bed and it told me it was five fifteen, I was going to have to get up in an hour and a half and I had barley slept.

It reached half six and I slowly and carefully peeled myself away from Stephen. After going to the toilet and putting the kettle on I heard two small voices coming from the room next to Stephens. I walked over to the door and heard Leah chatting away, just like her da. I pushed the door open and walked into them

"Alright? Do you want some breakfast kids? Leave ye da to sleep for a bit longer?"

Leah dived from her bed and ran into the kitchen Lucas just a few steps behind. As I walked into the kitchen Leah had a box of coco pops in her hands and was shaking them around.

"You want these then? Im sure I can do that. You having these too Lucas?"

Lucas nodded and sat at the table, he was clearly not a morning person. I placed the bowls of cereal in front of them and then raided the fridge looking for something a bit more appetizing. I spotted some bacon and three eggs. I grabbed the frying pan and started my work. I got two plates out and dished up, giving myself the extra egg as Im bigger than Stephen. I walked into the bedroom and placed the plate on the side table before kissing at Stephen's neck.

"Wakey Wakey rise and shine sleepyhead."

He began to rouse, he propped himself up on his elbows and said

"What time is it?"

"Nearly 7, kid's breakfast is done as is yours and mine"

"Aw you didn't have to do that Bren"

"I know, I wanted to, least I can do with you putting up with me, also I am going home today, I can't avoid da and Chez forever."

"Im not putting up with ya, I like having ya here, are you sure you're ready to go back?"

"Ye, I can't keep hidin' away from him, I gotta stand up for myself show him I aint that little kid he used to scare."

"Well I am here for ya, so if ya need to talk or just need to get away ya make sure ya come to me ok? No one else."

"Yes boss, now eat ye breakfast before it goes cold."

With that I raised myself from the bed and walked back into the kitchen to eat my own breakfast, It had started to go cold so I ate it as fast as I could. I had a quick shower and when I came out Stephen was getting the kids changed and sorting there stuff to go to Leanne's.  
It was quarter to eight, the kids had their stuff ready and coats on ready to go, so did Stephen and myself. We walked along the council estate and towards the village. Leah and Lucas was running in front leaving me and Stephen to walk along in a comfortable silence watching the kids. We reached the steps up to Oakdale drive, I was going to get a change of clothes and Stephen was dropping the kids of at Leanne's so he could open up the deli.

**Stephens POV**

I was about to walk up the steps when Brendan froze, his face drained of the colour it held, he was staring at something. I looked up to see a man, he looked quite old, he had a beard and a moustache that was grey, his hair was slicked back. Just the look of him made my stomach turn, this must be Brendan's dad. Without even thinking about what I was doing I grabbed hold of Leah and Lucas as he walked down the steps.

"Ah Brendan, nice to see ye son, ye gunna tell me where ye been the past couple of days?"

"I-I, been busy."

"He's been staying with me, he's been coming in late and dint wanna wake you or Cheryl."

"Has he now-

"Ste."

"Right Ste, and who are these little fellas?"

He crouched down to look at Leah and Lucas, I couldn't help it I pulled them away from him

"Get away from them!"

Seamus stood again very slowly and just stared at me straight in the eye I stared straight back refusing to look away and give him the satisfaction. Brendan spoke for the first time since his dad descended from the steps in front, as he could probably sense the anger and disgust boiling in my veins.

"Excuse us da, got a very busy day."

He barged past his dad and me Leah and Lucas followed; as we reached the top I looked down to see Seamus staring back at us with a very thoughtful look on his face and I had this horrible feeling he knew exactly what mine and Brendan's relationship was and that I knew what he did to Brendan.

"Bren I am so sorry, I didn't mean to I just seen him lookin' at the kids and it just-"

I was cut off with Brendan kissing me, not just a small kiss either a proper kiss, the sort that made my blood boil but not with anger but passion, and I wondered if I would ever get sick of kissing him.

* * *

I was in the deli, it was five to one and I knew Brendan would be here any minute cause he had just text me letting me know he was on his way so start making his seedless jam sandwiches. I was buttering the bread when I heard the door open and I could tell by the footsteps that it was Bren.

"It's nearly done."

"Good, cause im starving over here."

"You eatin' it ere or ya taking over to the club?"

"I think I can spare a few couple of minutes to eat lunch in."

I passed him the sandwich and he walked over to the chair next to the window. There was no customers in so I made myself a sandwich and sat next to him. Just as I was taking the last bite the door opened and I heard a familiar Irish voice.

"Ah here is the two lovebirds."

I thought I had stopped breathing, I felt Brendan tense up next to me, I tried to speak but nothing came out, then I heard Brendan's voice

"Wha' ye on about?"

"Well you see earlier on a seen ye two getting quite cosy together outside your home, so I decided to question ye sister n she spilled the beans on ye im afraid."

My mind was blank, I couldn't think of anything other than this vile man in front of me seen us kissing. Then he was in here talking about it and looking at us like we was dog shit. The fear that was there began to turn to anger, how he had the nerve to come in here and turn his nose up at us, after the things he has done to his own son. He is the one who is sick not us. I tried to bite my tounge.

"Ah Brenda, you really are a gay boy, you're the same old queer you used to be, you make me sick."

I couldn't take it anymore, Brendan was sitting there just taking it to afraid to tell his dad what he really thought, but I wasn't.

"How can you of all people call him sick? Look at ya, you're the sick one. Yeah you might be catholic you might think being gay is wrong, but im pretty sure its wrong to touch up eight year olds too but you did it!"

* * *

**I am going shopping tomorrow so i might not be able to update and if i do it might not be until the evening. **

**Please review:D**

**Thanks to everyone who is following or have favorited!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry for a late update, been a bit busy. Personally i think this is a bit of a crappy chapter. I know how i want this to end but its getting to it thats the difficult bit. But please leave a review and let me know what you think. Thanks. x**

* * *

**Chapter Six**

**Brendan's POV. **

I sat there trying to ignore him as he said those names he had said when I was a kid. I felt Stephen tense up more than he already was if that was possible. I was hoping to god that he would ignore him too, but he knew Stephen too well and just as he thought these words Stephen had jumped up, not giving me a chance to grab hold of him to stop. His finger was waving in my da's face; I was panicking, would da hit Stephen? I willed myself to move to grab Stephen pull him back down onto the chair but it couldn't.

"How can you of all people call him sick? Look at ya, you're the sick one. Yeah you might be catholic you might think being gay is wrong, but im pretty sure its wrong to touch up eight year olds too but you did it!"

I couldn't move, I felt like I had been paralysed, my eyes where fixed on Stephen begging him to sit down in my mind, but my mouth wouldn't open, my tongue had restricted me from speaking. We all sat there in silence all taking in what had just been said. Da was the one to break it, he spoke slowly and calm but I knew deep down his blood was boiling; our little secret had been spoken off. Making sure he worded his sentence he said

"Now young Stephen, I don't know what Brendan has been tellin' ye but what ye just said was a lie, it sounds like another one of his tricks to get a bit of attention, ain't that right Brendan?"

I looked up into his eyes, they was black and cold, he had that threating look in his eye that he wore every time he looked at him, if anyone was to see it they would run a mile, but it was only me who ever got to see it. I turned to look into Stephen's eyes, they was deep blue filled with love and comfort, but there was still that hint of anger in there. I thought to myself, if I agree with da say it was all for a bit of attention then I would lose him but he would be away from all of this drama, he wouldn't have to be involved da would leave him alone and he could carry on living his life. If I tell the truth, I will have to run, I will constantly looking over my shoulder to see If he is following me to make me pay for spilling the life threating secret, then there was Stephen who would also be in danger, how far would da go to keep it hidden? What if he hurt Stephen? I know he will want to come with me, he will want to run away with me, start a fresh, but I wouldn't be able to do that from him, he would be constantly running. I turned and looked into Seamus's cold eyes, then I looked into Stephen's warm loving eyes, and the decision was made.

"No, ye know that's not right, ye know exactly what you did to me."

The minute I looked into Stephen's eyes I knew I couldn't live my life without him. I raised myself from the chair and looked into the man im supposed to call da's eyes and tried to block out the fear of this man pumping around my body, I tried to mask it, I wanted him to believe I wasn't scared anymore even if I was truly terrified.

"Now now Brenda, ye was always taught not te lie."

I looked at Stephen and with him being there it gave me the strength to fight back.

"Ye, I was taught not to lie, but not by ye. Ye made the person I am today, ye taught me not trust anyone, not to love anyone cause they will always turn their back on ye, just like ye did to me when I was eight years old, how you destroyed my childhood."

"How touching, Im sure that was well rehearsed, now even if that did happen we wouldn't ye poor little sister finding out, can you imagine how much it would crush her to find out her big brother is making up lies about her da?"

There and then I decided this was going to stay a secret, no one else would ever find out about it. Just me, Stephen and da, that was it, I couldn't risk Chez getting hurt, I couldn't risk losing her either. Seamus let a low fake laugh and said

"I thought so- he turned to look at Stephen- ye see Stephen, no matter what I will always win cause Brenda here is always going to be that same queer."


	7. Chapter 7

**So sorry for such a late update, it's been so hetic here. We have had random family members visiting plus i have had school and everything else and it had been so hard to get just five minutes to update it, BUT i have finally done it! This is a short chapter cause the next one is going to be quite long i hope. So thanks to everyone who has been patient and waited and here it is! **

* * *

**Chapter Seven.**

**Stephen's POV.**

I paced my front room, it was 10pm and Brendan still wasn't here, I was pretty sure he wouldn't go home after what happened in the deli today; I thought he would come here, but he isn't. I checked my phone for the 100th time, still nothing from him.

* * *

_"I thought so, ye see Stephen, no matter what I will always win cause Brenda here is always going to be that same queer."_

_"You ain't gunna win, ya might think your gunna get away with this, but ya ent! I won't let ya. Ya gunna pay for what ya did to him, ya sick."_

_"Im the sick one? I don't know if ye noticed Stephen but ye the one shacking up with a fella. I always knew he would turn out like this, a fail, don't know where I went wrong."_

_I felt the bile rise in my throat, I could feel my skin crawling, he genuinely thinks what he did is ok? Well I was going to show him it wasn't, he had another thing coming if he thought he could do what he done and get away with it. If he thought he could hurt my Brendan like that even after all these years he thought wrong. You're supposed to be scared of this man, but for some strange reason im not, he just seems like a pathetic old man to me.  
At that moment the deli door opened, it was Theresa, I had completely forgotten that the door was unlocked and that anyone could just walk in._

_"Um is now a bad time?"_

_Her eyes flicked between the three of us, assessing each of our expressions. _

_"Na you alright Theresa, he was just leaving."_

_I glared at Seamus, a small smile hovered on his face,_

_"I will see ye lads later."_

_Then he stalked out of the deli. I took Theresa's order and tried to act interested in her conversation about Myra and Mercedes but I was actually consentrating on the moustached man on the sofa. As soon as Theresa left he stood up and walked slowly over to me, I walked around the till and stood in front of him.  
"Im just gunna pop out for a bit, check on the club and stuff, see ye later ye?"_

_"Brendan please try not to let him get to ya, he will be gone soon, yeah?"_

_"Ye, see ye later then."_

_He gave me a quick peck on the lips and almost ran out of the deli. Something wasn't right._

* * *

I tried to calm myself down, he is fine he is probably held up at the club and he is to busy to get to his phone to reply to one of my thirty five text messages and twenty eight missed calls, but even as I thought that I knew it wasn't true, one its his night off and two he always checks his phone no matter how busy he is, he texts me letting me know he is going to be late usually but today he hasn't and he said he would see me later, so where is he?

I walked into the kitchen and searched the cupboard for some food to make a quick meal for two in case he does turn up and is hungry. I grabbed the pasta, the tin of chopped tomatoes, two onions and some cheese, just something simple. I grabbed the pan to boil the pasta in, and a pan to actually make the pasta and tomatoes.  
As I was coming to the end of the meal, just adding the cheese into the pan to melt it it was about 11ish. There was a small tap on the door, I half ran to it, didn't even bother to look in the peep hole to see who it was, I was just hoping to see Brendan's face to know he was ok.  
But as I opened the door the face I seen was not the one I was hoping for, it was Cheryl, tears streaming down her face, she looked a mixture of sad and angry.

"Cheryl what's happened?"

"It's Brendan he's gone."

* * *

**Right i am hoping to update again today, but as you all know i am crap at keeping to that. BUT hopefully i do. **

**Thanks to everyone who had reviewed, read, followed or favorited. :-D**


	8. Chapter 8

**So i thought about it and decided to carry on writing straight after i uploaded the other chapter. This is a pretty long chapter. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Eight.**

**Brendan's POV.**

I had tried to keep myself in the conversation but I couldn't, all I could hear was Stephen's voice rising as he defended me and Seamus's voice it was smaller and it sounded like he was trying to make Stephen re-think what he was saying, but it wasn't working. I would have said something but I couldn't think straight, what did Stephen mean by

"_You ain't gunna win, ya might think ya gunna get away with this, but ya ent! I won't let ya. Ya gunna pay for what ya did to him. Ya sick."_

What did that mean? Was he going to get the police involved, cause that is not happening, I can't let Cheryl find out what happened, tarnish the memories she had of _him_, I can't make her choose who to believe me or her precious da, it's not fair. I also wasn't letting Stephen get involved, he had Leah and Lucas to think off, plus he had work and everything else he didn't need this on his plate too. This was mine and Seamus's battle no one else's.  
The door opened dragging me from my thoughts; it was Joel's girl Theresa, the dippy McQueen. I didn't pay any attention to what she was saying I just heard Stephen's voice strong and clear, not a slight hint of fear telling Seamus he is leaving, and he did!

I watched from the sofa as Stephen took Theresa's order, usually he would be chatting away and in his element, but right now he looked as if he would rather be doing anything than listing to blondie going on about her family. The sun outside shone in through the window, it was the middle of winter and it seemed the sun made things colder than warmer. Stephen's skin glowed in the rays. But now was not time to be taking notice of things like that. I needed to think of a plan. If I got away from here Stephen would not be in harm's way, he will be so annoyed at me for walking away from him instead of fighting that he will not do anything stupid to get Seamus back. So when blondie left I walked slowly over to Stephen taking in every inch of him, knowing this is going to be the last time I see him, the last time I will ever see his beautiful face, with his extra long lashed and styled hair, the last time I will ever touch his lips. He walked towards me, and told me I can't let my da get to me, but although I was petrified of my da, I was more scared of what Stephen would do if I stayed, so that is what I concentrated on. I knew I couldn't be all soppy with him now, I couldn't say those three words cause he will say them back, and if he did I would not be able to go. I gave him a small peck, anything more than that and I would have had to stay here too.

I was in the club in the office looking around and thinking of the memories I had had in here, all the one's that came to mine involved Stephen. The night after 'he' kissed me, and he told me he had never done it before and then revealing that he had thought about it when he was in juvy with some guy, or when the club was jam packed with rails of underwear and girls walking around flaunting their bodies hoping to get lucky, and me and Stephen was locked up in here having just fucked, about to have round two when Ann and Rae walked in. This is also the place Danny first threatened me about Stephen, then he ended up dead In the basement, I think that's when I realised I was in love with Stephen, I just killed a man for him! But now was not the time to look back at old memories. Now was time to sort out everything at the club so it would run smoothly, although I would never say it to his face I am pretty sure Joel would be able to cope, plus Chez would be here to help.

I walked into mine and Chez's flat and looked around, it seemed everyone was out. Now that made it easier, I wouldn't have to face Chez, I can just leave her a letter I would write after I packed. I walked over to my bedroom and grabbed a hodel from the top shelf of my wardrobe and just grabbed clothes and started shoving them in the bag, I could hear my phone ringing, again, it was Stephen I could just sense it, but I couldn't answer it otherwise just hearing his voice will force me to stay. I dashed up to the bathroom and grabbed my shaver, some foam and my toothbrush. As I walked back along the hallway I caught sight of Lynsey's old bedroom door ajar, I pushed the door open and looked inside. The walls still pink, the bed still in the same place, but it felt different it was no longer a comfort to look at this room and remember the memories of her because all I could see was reminders that Da was here, and he was staying in the room, in the room of an amazing girl that I will forever miss, the girl who was like a sister to me, the girl who I found dead on the sofa downstairs where she had been murdered. I wondered that if she was still here if she would be all excited to see Seamus, would she pick up on my mood? Maybe she would have worked it out, she always was a bit like a detector, she sussed the local murderer. My heart swelled with pride at the thought of Lynsey, she was such a brave girl, she stood by what she believed and if she was here and knew I was about to run away from this she would be telling me I was a chicken and I should be brave for myself and Stephen, but I was never as brave as she was, she was just phenomenal, she was accused of going mental, her best friend for life turned her back on her, yet she never walked away, and I was proud to say that I knew this girl, but I wasn't Lynsey I was _Brenda_ I was a chicken I ran away when things got tough, but I was running to protect the one person I will always love.

I had packed everything I needed, now it was just the matter of writing a letter to Chez, this was going to be the hardest part, but I had to do it.

* * *

_Chez,_

_I know that thing's haven't been perfect between us since visiting nana. I am sorry for everything I have done and for what you saw, you shouldn't have seen that. Maybe if knew the whole story behind it you might be able to understand a bit more, that man was Joel's stepdad, he used to beat the shit out of Joel and his mum, then just before we visited I caught him out the front of Chez Chez hitting Joel, so we tied him up and then was planning on teaching him a lesson, not to kill him though! Then you said about nana, so we had a bit of a detour, basically things got a bit out of hand and he hit Joel with a hammer, so we found him and he had Theresa so we found him and sorted Theresa out, then we took him to a lighthouse and hung him from it, but we wasn't planning on killing him, just scaring him, so when we pulled him up, before he got over the rails he spat on me, and Joel pushed him away from me, and he fell and we didn't have time to catch the rope, I couldn't see Joel go down for something that I helped cause, he was in such a state I told him to go to Theresa and not to say anything, act normal and I would sort the rest out, and obviously you know what I mean by that now.  
I am going, I can't stand staying here any longer and hurting the one's I love. I love you Chez, I always will your my baby sister, I just had to tell you what happened, I couldn't go and have you not knowing the truth. Me and dad have issues as you know and I just can't have Stephen around him, I am sorry. So I am going to go away and let you live your life easily without having the hassle to worry about me all the time. I will maybe drop you a call once in a while.  
I know its asking a bit much with everything I have told you, but can you please give Stephen the letter inside this one? I need him to understand why I am going. I can't risk hurting him again, I can't get his hopes up having a big open relationship and then me destroying it. I hate myself for what I did to him, I will never forgive myself, but I hope one day you and he will.  
Don't worry about the club I sorted all that out for a couple of weeks, Joel knows what to do anyway.  
Speaking of Joel, can you tell him that I may not act like it but I do actually care for him, tell him I said to behave himself, no dodgy deals, and I will give him a call or something soon?  
I love you Chez, you're the best thing ever. Your so brave, you coped with what happened to Lynsey better than me, and I know that she will be looking down on you thinking your doing pretty amazing right now considering everything that has happened! It's up to you what you do now, with everything I told you in this letter, you do what you think is right, no matter what you choose I will love you cause your my baby sis, forever. _

_Love you always. _

_B x_

* * *

That had to be the hardest thing I have ever written in my life. I sealed the letter I had written to Stephen, and then placed it in the envelope with the letter to Chez I sealed that one to and left it on the table.

I took one glance around the house taking in everything, the colour, the smell and I know I will never forget it. I locked the door after me and walked down the steps. I could hear the pounding music coming from the club, it was darkness outside, it was only 9 but it seemed much later. I looked around the village, I never thought it was possible, I have always hated this village I only stuck around for Chez, Lynsey and Stephen, but as I take in the views I realise I am going to miss it. I realise I am going to miss quite a few people here to, Mitzeee for one, she is great and I really hope she pulls through what she is going on at the moment and becomes her happy self once more. For some reason Jacqui McQueen pop's into my head, and as I think of her i think about her and Rhys, working in the club to go on and become married and for Rhys to pass away, I really felt for her she is a decent girl bit goby though. Anyway enough thinking about the people here, I unlock the car door and slide onto the leather seat, as I start the engine I take one look around the village before I leave Hollyoaks forever.

* * *

**Right i am going to carry on writing so the next chapter should be up in the next hour or two if i get it finished. x**


	9. Chapter 9

**Not sure how many more chapters i am going to do but there is not many, thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed and favorited. It means a lot.**

* * *

**Chapter Nine.**

**Stephens POV.**

"What do ya mean he is gone Cheryl?"

I knew exactly what she meant, he had gone, he had run away like he did when things got hard, he was too ashamed to admit what he really was, he couldn't stand his dad knowing he was gay, I get that but surly he would have the decency to tell me to my face that he didn't want to see me anymore, after everything I had done for this man and now he has given up and walked away. I left my _husband_ for him, now I could be in America with Doug, I could have learnt to love him how I did Brendan, I could have learnt how to be truly happy but no I had to go with my heart and I choose Brendan and now look, he was gone.

"He left this for ye, said I had to give it ye."

I looked down and she had her hand reached out passing me a letter, her hand was shaking. I put out my hand and reached for the letter as I held it I stared at the words _"Stephen" _on the front. I flipped it over and pulled out the letter;

* * *

_Dear Stephen, _

_I know that if you are reading this it means you know I have gone, it will probably also mean you hate me right now, probably regretting everything you did, but please let me explain.  
Earlier on today when dad stopped by at the Deli and said he knew about us I panicked, but not because he knew that surprisingly felt like a relief, I panicked because you said he wasn't going to get away with it if you had anything to do with it. I can't tell Chez what happened, it would break her heart and then there is also the possibility that she won't believe me and if that happens I will never see her again, and I can't live with that. This means I can't go to the police either. Dublin was the happiest I have ever been, me and you together out in the open, I know you used to practically beg me to come out and I wouldn't but now I realise I should have, it was hard for me but everyone else accepted it, well everyone but dad but he wasn't around to bother me, but when we got back from Dublin and he knocked on that door I think even then I knew this wasn't going to work out with him around. Right now I can imagine you are in the kitchen reading this thinking it is all your fault and that I am ashamed of you? But I want you to know it is not your fault and I a defiantly NOT ashamed of you, I am so proud of you, you are so brave you gave up what could have been a happy life to take a chance on me, you believed in me you. You have never turned your back on me, apart from maybe when I came out of prison. But that's not the point, and now that I am going I just want you to know how sorry I am for every ounce of pain I have ever caused you, for every bruise I placed on your body, I am truly sorry, it wasn't your fault and I hope to god you never think it is, it was because I thought me doing that would mean I was in control, and it worked you was scared of me so you kept us a secret, you never pushed it too far, but truth is Stephen you will always be in control even then I think you was, you managed to stay away from me, you tried to move on but I couldn't I kept coming back because I couldn't leave you.  
I know you have said you have forgiven me, but I don't think I can forgive myself so how have you forgiven me?  
I am sorry for pushing you away when I needed you most. I am sorry I can't be the person you need, I can't be the one to stick around, not because I don't love you, because trust me I love you more than anyone, but because trouble always seems to find me, and every time it will be a threat to you because you are my weakness, Danny, Warren and Walker have all proved that and I can't risk my dad hurting you because of me, that's why I have left to set you free and to protect you, if I am not around he won't have a reason to hurt you will he? I will always love you Stephen Hay and I hope you find someone who can look after you and treat you better than I ever could. It pains me to say this but I hope one day you fall in love again and you have a happy life cause at the moment I can imagine its pretty shitty. Me hiding us away cause of dad and constantly being on edge.  
I hope you know that I was choosing the easy way out, because it is not this, this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, the easy way out would be staying there and hoping for the best, but I would be being selfish and putting you, Leah and Lucas at risk and I can't do that. I would have bought the letter myself but I know that if I did I wouldn't be able to leave because just the sight of you would have pulled me in. I could keep writing this forever telling you how much you mean to me, how sorry I am but I have to go before Chez gets home and tries to stop me.  
I know it's a bit much to ask, but please can you watch Chez for me? Make sure she is ok? It will give me a little comfort at the thought of you two together.  
I truly am so sorry Stephen. My heart will always belong to you._

_I love you. _

_B x_

_P.S Just to help you out._

* * *

Just to help you out? What did that mean? But then I looked in the envelope and there was a thin sheet of paper, it was a cheque for £10,000! But now I did not care about the money, I felt the anger slowly ebbing away and it was replaced with sadness that Brendan thought he had to leave here to protect me and the kids, did he not realise I could stand up for myself?  
I could hear small sobs from the front room where Cheryl was sitting, I wanted to go in and comfort her but I couldn't move, I just kept re-reading the letter. All of a sudden the anger was back but not at Brendan at Seamus, who did he think he is? Turning up here after not seeing Brendan in years and ruining everything we had built together? I was probably never going to see him again all because of that vile sick man, he ruined my happy ending! Brendan doesn't realise but he has just made things ten times worse, when he was here I had him to hold me back from doing something stupid but now that he is gone there is no one to stop me. Seamus Brady was not getting away with this!


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry about the late update... Again. I have been so busy, with school work and everything else, but the next chapter is finally here!**

**Thanks for reading, reviewing, favoriting and following.:)**

* * *

**Chapter Ten.**

**Brendan's POV.**

I was deliberately not looking at the signs, I wanted to be lost so I couldn't get back to Hollyoaks, I wanted to loose myself in this world away from Stephen, somewhere I won't be able to hurt him. My phone is vibrating again, I had put it on silent the ringtone was distracting me, it's like it was reminding me what I was missing, I knew it was Stephen he had his own personal ringtone, _Sexy and I Know It. _We had been sitting in his front room watching a film, I could feel the sofa shaking slightly so I looked over to see Stephen silently laughing, he refused to tell me instead he rang my phone to show me, I had acted like it annoyed me but I kept it.  
I stopped at the closest hotel, it looked cheap and tacky, not my usual style but right now I really couldn't give a shit, I just wanted to be locked up in a room away from the world, I wanted something with no reminders, unlike the car. I paid for the room, just one night I would move on tomorrow, I climbed the stairs to level three I didn't fancy risking the rickety elevator knowing my luck I would be trapped in there, maybe that wouldn't be such a bad idea.  
I unlocked the door and strolled into the room, it was musky and smelt damp, the brown wallpaper was slightly peeling from the top of the walls, the bed was placed against the back wall and in front of it on a small cabinet was a cable TV with the basic one, two, three and four on. The bathroom was worse, it had no bath, just a shower just big enough to fit myself in, the toilet had stains down it, I made a mental note to never stop of anywhere like this again. I sat down on the lumpy bed and removed my coat and taking my phone from my pocket, I was debating on whether to look at it or not in the end I decided a quick glance wouldn't hurt.  
_46 missed calls from Stephen, 37 missed calls from Chez and 3 from Ann.  
_There was also, 22 text messages from Chez, 16 from Ann and 33 from Stephen, all of which were begging me to come home and things could be sorted out. Then I spotted the most recent text message, it was from Stephen and it was different to the rest, instead of begging me to come home it read

_Bren, I understand why u felt like u had to go but u didn't, u thought u was protecting me and the kids but your not, you have made things worse, when u was here I had someone to help me, someone who stood by me and stopped me doing twatty things, but now your gone who knows what I could do, aye?_

Was that a threat? Blackmail? Was that his way of saying he would do something _twatty_ if I didn't come home? I couldn't stop myself from punching in the numbers and pressing the dial button, I had to find out what that meant.  
The phone rang about ten seconds and then I heard his voice down the phone.

"_Bren-"_

"_Stephen, what did that last text mean exactly?"_

"_Pretty obvious ent it? When you was here you could have stopped me If I attempted anything stupid with your dad, you would have stopped me, I wouldn't have wanted to stop but I would have for you, but now you have gone and left me, who is there to stop me? If I do something about him then you can come back."_

I could feel my throat swelling, I was struggling to breath, and this is just at the thought of Stephen doing something stupid, imagine if he actually did it?

"_Stephen, ye don't know what he is like, ye don't know what he is capable off."_

"_But that's the thing Bren, I do cause you told me exactly what he is capable of and he is sick!"_

"_Please Stephen listen to me, don't do anything stupid, please I am begging ye."_

"_What like I am begging ya to come home?"_

"_The day I told ye what he did to me, ye promised me ye wouldn't do anything stupid Stephen please keep it."_

"_Promises mean nothing Bren, you proved that, you promised you wouldn't leave me unless its what I wanted, and you have left me, and that is not what I wanted."_

"_That's different, this is for your safety"_

"_Well personally I think I am safer with you around, haven't we proved that before?"_

"_Don't do this Stephen, please."_

"_Do what? Remind ya about everything that has happened over the past two and half years? Remind ya what we have done for each other? You know I am better off with you Bren, and if the only way I am going to prove that to you is by trying to get rid of that sick man then I will."_

"_Stephen-"_

"_I love you Brendan."_

"_I love-"_

He had gone, he hung up on me.

**Stephen's POV**

I have no clue how I am going to do it, but I need to, I need to get rid of him. I closed my eyes and tried to clear my brain, after that, instead of trying to think straight I thought back to what the old me would have done, what chavy Ste would have done, well that was simple, I would have gone barging round there thrown a couple of punches before being dragged off him, but that wasn't going to happen this time, I couldn't just walk round to Cheryl's banging on the door demanding to see him and then giving him a couple of smacks, that wouldn't work. I tried to think sensible, maybe negotiate with him, I laughed at myself for even thinking of that one. There were two options, call the police but then Brendan would have to tell everyone about what happened also he would have to testify in the court room, and that just wasn't ever going to happen, otherwise I could threaten him with the police tell him if he don't leave Hollyoaks I will call the police and tell them everything maybe he would panic and run? But then there was also the chance he thought I was bluffing, or he could kill me, that's when I had a thought, I would have maybe done it years ago back when I was a little shit, back when I was the biggest knob going, but since Amy had Lucas I would have never of considered it, but sitting here now in this empty house thinking about Brendan being on his own somewhere, probably reminiscing about his childhood, it made me think that that sick man that Brendan is supposed to be called Dad deserves, he deserves to be dead and gone, that way Brendan would never have to worry about his Dad showing up, he would never be looking over his shoulder because he would be gone. I thought about it a bit more, wondering to myself how I would do it. What would I use? A gun? Knife? Fire? There were so many options, so much to think about, what would be the most discreet? How would I get him alone in the first place? What about the kids if I was to get caught? Would Amy understand if she ever found out? Then it got me thinking, maybe I could pay someone else to do it, but somehow that thought didn't seem as appealing, the thought of watching the life leave Seamus's body because of him gets him sort of _giddy. _I decided to go bed, think about it there and see how the idea seems in the morning.

I woke the next day to Leah and Lucas jumping on me, I pulled them both into an embrace as all three of us lie on the bed, we was all cosy and warm cuddling and giggling when I suddenly remembered they started back at school today, shit, they had exactly an hour to get ready and be at the school. No chance.

"Quick Leah, Lucas get these on and I will make you some breakfast yeah? I forgot you had school today"!"

They both ran into their bedroom to get changed, when they came out the breakfast was ready on the table, they both wolfed it down. It was only as we went to walk out the door I realised Lucas had his top on back to front, so I bent down to sort it out, Leah was laughing at him calling him silly to which Lucas reacted by calling her stupid. I pulled on my coat and we braced ourselves for the cold weather as we walked to school and nursery.

After the school run I headed straight for the Deli, I thought I best open up today everyone is back at work so today was going to be pretty busy during lunch hours. I wiped down all the sides, turned the oven on and got started on a couple of bits, including a bacon roll for myself as I skipped breakfast this morning. All in all the morning ran pretty smooth, had a quite a few customers but not so many that I was rushed off my feet, but it was hard work, I was so used to having lay ins cuddled up to Brendan in the mornings, then just playing with the kids and whatever the past two weeks and now I was up early and rushing around a Deli on my own. Then it reached lunch hour, and god was it busy, it was so hard to take orders, cook the food and serve it all at the same time but I managed it, I didn't complain cause it sort of helped, it distracted me, stopped me thinking about Brendan for a bit cause I was so busy. After the customer walked out the door at half two I made myself a coffee and sat down on the chair and closed my eyes allowing myself to get lost into thought about what I was thinking last night. I heard the doorbell go and I jumped, I must of started to doze I looked over at the clock it was three ten, I had twenty minutes before Leah and Lucas came out of school, I was bought back to earth by a small cough, I remembered I had a customer I rose from my chair and looked over to see the customer standing next to the counter, he had a small evil smile on his face and just the look of him made my skin crawl, it was Seamus. I took a deep breath and thought to myself, just treat him as a customer.

"What can I get ya?"

"I will have a coffee, white with three sugars and a BLT sandwich please, Stephen."

I closed my eyes for a millisecond before giving him the fakest smile I had ever performed and worked on the food. I didn't even attempt to make any small talk like I would with the other customers, the only reason I was actually serving him was the thought of that little extra profit at the end of the day. I passed over the coffee and sandwich as he passed over the money. I knew that wouldn't be it, he couldn't just walk in here order food and go again, he came in here for an argument I could sense it, but I wasn't going to give him one.

"Where's Brenda? Gone? Left ye alone?"

"Don't call him that."

"Why? That's what he is a little girl, he is a little puff just like yeself."

"Ya can say what ya like about me, I am proud of who I am!"

"Really? If I was you I would be ashamed, I would be sickened by myself."

"Me? Sickened because Im gay? What about you have done huh? I would be sickened by that!"

I told myself I wasn't going to argue with him, but I couldn't stop myself from retaliating when he said things to me. I looked over at the clock it was twenty past, I had to leave now to pick up the kids. I grabbed my coat and pulled it on.

"Going somewhere?"

"Yeah, to pick me kids up."

"Ah well I must let ye get on Stephen, don't want them being left alone at the school do we."

I ignored him and pulled open the door, and gestured him to leave, he walked to the door, but stopped in front of me, I could feel the heat of his breath on my face it smelt of whisky and fags.

"Goodbye Stephen."

* * *

**Sorry about the crap ending to this chapter, just the next bit i wanted as a separate chapter:)x**


	11. Chapter 11

******Wooo, another update! NTA'S tonight hope everyone has voted Emmett and Joseph! **

**Also i made my first ever Stendan video today, finally worked out how to use Movie Maker;  watch?v=sZ1neuArBtY**

* * *

**Chapter Eleven.**

**Stephen's POV.**

We had been in about an hour, the minute we walked through the door they both kicked off their shoes and flopped across Leah heaving out a big sigh and said she was knackered I laughed at her god knows where she gets it from. I was in the kitchen unloading there lunch boxes when it went suspiciously quite there was only two meanings for this they was either doing something they wasn't allowed to do or they had fell asleep, I had my fingers crossed for the first one if they had fell asleep they would never sleep tonight. I strolled in to see Leah leaning back on the sofa with her eyes fixated on the TV but they was glazed over, she was going to be asleep any second and Lucas was sitting on the floor pushing a fire truck across the floor but with very little effort. Bless them they looked like they could both just drop off at a flick of a switch. I walked towards the sofa and sat next to Leah,

"Oi missy, best not be falling asleep."

"Im not, im watching telly."

"Ya look like a zombie, do ya want some dinner?"

"Yeah, chips."

"Coming up, chips, fish fingers and beans good enough?"

"Yep."

"How about you Lucas, chips, fish fingers and beans good enough for you?"

"Yeah."

"Alrighty then, I am going to make it, don't go a sleep or you won't be tired later yeah?"

I got two little nods from the pair of them. I walked into the kitchen and raided the freezer and cupboards and then turned on the oven, tonight would be a simple dinner couldn't be bothered with cutting up all the veg and crap just for them to leave it at least I knew they would eat this. I cooked the dinner every so often calling to make sure there awake. I sat down at the small table whilst I waited for the food to cook, it was the first time since I woke up this morning I have properly sat down and been able to actually relax, but it also means I have time to think and I don't want to do that, I don't want to think because if I do I start thinking of _him_ and then I start thinking about why he has left me, and then I go into some sort of self-absorbed coma and all I can think about it somehow destroying Seamus Brady.

I placed their food on the table, I didn't have any I wasn't particularly hungry so I dawdled into their bedroom and sorted out their pyjamas. When I returned to the kitchen Leah had already finished and Lucas was following, I grabbed them both a chocolate mouse and passed it to them both, I watched by as they scoffed it down. I washed there hands and face and passed Leah her pyjamas whilst I helped Lucas change into his. I turned over the TV to Rugrats and told them they could watch it then it was bedtime, they both sprawled out on the floor with their chins in their hands.

I pulled the door to their room shut and walked towards the sofa and plonked myself down on it, I looked around the room and thought to myself, this time last week I was the happiest man on the planet I had my kids, a business, a home and the most amazing boyfriend anyone could ask for, yeah he was petty, liked expensive stuff and basically ate everything in my cupboards but I loved him none the less, and now I still have the business, I still have the best kids anyone could want, I also have a home but I no longer have the amazing boyfriend, and without him everything seems dull, at work I would look forward to seeing him come in and ordering his seedless jam sandwich that was only made for him, at home I would look forward to see him strolling through the door whenever and playing around with the kids, but now he is not here to do all of that. Then I got thinking on the reason why he was gone, that sick man was the reason I was suffering. I had to get rid of him, I had to get him out of our lives for good that way this wouldn't happen again. I knew how I would wait until Cheryl was at work and I could do it then, or I could find a way of luring him out of sight somewhere, but the question wasn't how was I going to do it without being caught the question was, how the _fuck_ am I supposed to do it with no 'weapon', who around here would have contacts to get me a gun or something like that? The only dodgy people I knew round here was Brendan and he was no use, there was also Walker but what with him trying to kill me, wanting to hurt Brendan in anyway possible way and nobody had a clue where he was. Why was it when you needed some bad guy they wasn't around but when you wish for them to disappear they are always there? Warren, he would have been able to help for the right price but he was in prison thanks to Brendan. Then it clicked, Warren might have gone but his son wasn't, Joel, he used to hang around Brendan like a fly did shit, surly he would know someone, he had no choice Joel was his only hope at the moment. I pulled out my phone from my pocket and scrolled through my phonebook, Bren gave me his number in case there was ever an emergency and I couldn't get hold of him, I didn't ever think I would have to use it.

"_Hello?"_

"_Hello Joel, its Ste."_

"_Oh, what do you want?"_

"_I need your help, do ya mind poppin' round quick?"_

"_Why? What do ya need?"_

"_I will tell ya when ya get here."_

"_Ste, if you want to know about Bren-"_

"_I don't, I just need a favour be quick yeah?"_

"_Yeah."_

With that I hung up. I was pretty surprised how simple that conversation was, I had been expecting me to have to beg him to come round but no he just agreed, probably curious as to why me of all people is ringing him to ask for help. Now I had to think how was I going to word this? Would he tell Cheryl what I was asking of him? I had to think fast because if he is coming now he will be here soon.

There was a banging at door, I dived from my chair and practically ran to the door, I didn't want him waking the kids up.

"Do ya have to be so loud? I do actually have kids!"

"Sorry."

"Drink?"

"Please."

"What do ya want? Tea, coffee I think I got a few beers in the fridge."

"Beer."

I pulled open the fridge and grabbed to beers, I passed one to Joel and gestured him into the living room. He sat down on the sofa but I stayed standing, I was too nervous to sit.

"What do ya need Ste?"

"What makes you think I need something? How do you know I don't want to just ask you something?"

"If you wanted to ask me something you would have said it over the phone, plus Im not the first guy you would come to for a little chat, so what do ya need?"

"Alright I need something and you was the only person I could think of round here that might know about me getting it what with ya hanging around with Brendan quite a bit."

"Not something legal then I take it?"

"No, not exactly, I um, I, I, I need a gun."

I looked up at Joel to see him, eyes wide open staring at me with his mouth slightly open not even attempting to hide the shock on his face. I left him a couple more minutes to get over the fact I just asked him for a gun. After about three minutes I got a bit impatient waiting for an answer so I said

"Ya gunna be able to get me one or what?"

"Look Ste, I get that ya upset with Brendan going an everything, but this aint the answer."

I looked at him confused, until it dawned on me what he was saying.

"I ain't trying to kill meself! I just need it for something."

"You gunna tell me what?"

"Cant."

"So you want me to get you a gun and have no clue what you are gunna do with it?"

"Well yeah, that's what I was hoping for."

"Right, well I aint promising anything but I can have a lookout see if I can find anyone."

"Yeah, cheers."

Joel stood up to leave, but I couldn't just let him go, I couldn't knowing he might have heard from Brendan.

"Have you heard from him?"

"Brendan?"

"No Jesus Christ, obviously!"

"Yeah, he called yesterday checking the club was going ok, to see if Cheryl was ok and um, well you."

"Me?"

"Yeah, he said not to say anything but you know me. He hasn't spoken to Cheryl either, keeps ignoring all her calls, he said he didn't want to speak to her cause if he did he would come back or something like that. Im guessing the same reason he is ignoring you."

I just gave him a small nod.

"He loves you Ste."

"Yeah so much that he upped and walked."

"Yeah well, it's obvious why he left ain't it? His dad, not sure whats going on between them too but well they don't exactly get on, don't blame him, he seems like a knob from what I have seen, big act for Cheryl."

Joel's facial expression changed, he looked worried and he looked at me with a concerned face.

"Ste, that gun, your not gunna…"

"It don't matter what I do with that gun!"

"Yeah it does when im the one who is getting it for ya!"

"Why you give it to me then it is no longer your worry."

"It is, cause if Brendan finds out he will kill me!"

"No he won't."

"Ste, seriously think about this, is he really worth it?"

"Yeah he is actually, to me anyway, he might mean nothing to you, but to me he is everything alright?"

"Yeah."

"Right, well let me know if you find anything yeah?"

"Yeah."

Joel walked out of the front door and pulled it shut behind him, I locked it and walked towards my room pulling of my t-shirt getting ready to go to bed.

I was lying down thinking about the conversation with Joel, he knew, he knew exactly what I was planning to do with that gun, that meant I had to be careful. I attempted going to sleep but my brain was buzzing with every thought. I tried clearing my mind, but I couldn't so I lay there waiting for sleep to possess me.


	12. Chapter 12

**Oh sorry about the long wait again, it has been so hetic in my house plus i have like loads of exams to revise for so i have been proper busy, but i have updated finally! **

* * *

**Chapter Twelve. **

**Stephens POV.**

Pretty much every day since Brendan had left I had been in a bad mood, but today seemed worse, I felt so down.  
It had been a whole ten days, a full 240 hours since Brendan had gone, and it had been like hell. I didn't have many friends in the village, I had people I could have a normal conversation with about sport or whatever, but in actual fact I didn't have any proper friends left here, there was Amy but she left, then there was also Doug when we first started to think up the idea of the Deli, but when it actually opened a few weeks in and Doug was declaring his feelings for me and now he is in America and even if he was here I couldn't exactly tell him all my problems. The only person left was Cheryl, and usually I could tell her everything and she wouldn't judge, but now I couldn't even speak to her, well I could but only to a certain level, I suppose I could tell her how much I missed Bren, but just at the mention of him she tenses up, she thinks he is selfish for leaving, but then she doesn't know the whole truth.  
It had been a five days since I had asked Joel for the gun, and I had heard nothing I texted him every morning and every evening to find out if he had got hold of anything, but he hadn't. I was hoping today would be the day I got news but I didn't have much hope, each day I seemed less and less hopeful. It may have only been five days but it felt much longer.

I had done the usual go over before opening the Deli, I was on my own as Doug was in America. In usual circumstances I would have been complaining about having to rush around and do everything for myself, I would be willing to hire some inexperienced brat if it meant me getting a break but this wasn't normal circumstances and even though it was stressful and hard work doing it myself it also meant I had no time to think about anything and then by the time I got home and sorted the kids I was so tired I would be a sleep in seconds before I had time to even think about anything else.

It was just after the lunchtime rush when Cheryl came into the Deli.

"Alright love?"

"Yeah im doin' alright. How about you?"

"Yeah im holding up, really thought he had changed but you can't always be right aye?"

"hm" I just bit my tongue cause even after he has left me I still find myself wanting to defend him I want to tell everyone what happened maybe then they would understand, but if I tried to stand up for him not to Cheryl I don't think I would be able to hold back, I would tell her everything. Instead I asked her what she wanted.

"I'll have a coffee and a cheese Panini to go please love."

I bustled around the kitchen preparing her food, she cleared her throat and started to speak, I could tell just by the tone of voice she was going to ask a favour.

"Steeee?"

"Yeah Cheryl?"

"Um, well the thing is I am going away for a couple of days with Leanne for our business thing."

I had no clue where this was going.

"Yes…"

"And well I was wondering if maybe you could take my da out for a drink one night yano just so he isn't on his own cooped up in the house on his own."

I didn't know whether to thank the stars for getting rid of Cheryl for a couple of days or curse them for getting rid of her too early, Joel still hadn't got back to me about the gun. But I had no excuse to feed Cheryl as to why I couldn't so I had no choice.

"Alright, but one night and one drink, that's all im agreeing to here Cheryl!"

A huge grin crept across her face.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"Its fine, and ayah here's ya food."

"Cheers Ste, keep the change you can use it to buy the drinks."

I looked down to see a crisp £20 in my hand. I was about to refuse but she had already gone. Great, now what do I do?

* * *

**Brendan's POV**

_Five days earlier._

So I had been away from Stephen five days, nearly six. It was growing dark outside, another day over but nothing had changed, I still felt like someone had their hands enclosed around my throat getting tighter and tighter until I would be gasping for air. I reached over and picked up the bottle of whisky, I couldn't even be bothered to pour some into the glass now I just took a swig straight from the bottle, the quicker I get this down the quicker the pain will ease up, not completely disappear but it would go enough that I would be able to go another night, I would be able to focus on the fact that me being there is not safe for him then I don't feel as bad for leaving him.

It was about half ten now and the bottle was half empty, that was it. I was going to need to stock up tomorrow cause I knew this was going to be pretty much empty by the end of tonight. I hadn't eaten a proper meal for a day and a half, when I first arrived at this hotel I thought I would make the most of the nice food but now I just had no appetite, I just couldn't face food, I knew that was going to block out the pain like this did, but my stomach was practically growling at me so I decided to order room service but just a pizza nothing special.  
I answered the door when the food arrived let him wheel in the cart with the pizza on it, he looked at me with a concerned look on his face as he looked me up and down, I wondered what I looked like through his eyes, probably an over grown mess that looked half alive. He asked if I was ok, I didn't answer I just glared at him and he practically ran from the room. I grabbed the pizza and sat on the sofa and scoffed the first half, god I didn't realise how much I missed food. It was as I was about to start the second half my phone beeped alerting me I had a text message. I debated whether to read it or to leave it, in the end I chose to read it and it's a good job I did as it was from Joel and it read.

_Just spoke 2 Ste he asked me for a gun. What do I do?_

* * *

__**Sorry about it being a bit of a crappy and short chapter. I PROMISE the next one will be longer! **


	13. Chapter 13

**So sorry about the wait, i have been so busy with revising, exams and whatever else. Plus i have been so obsessed with Hollyoaks at the moment. Sure it is the saddest thing ever!? I think i have been in tears for the past four episodes! Hope you enjoy...**

* * *

Brendan's POV.

_Just spoke 2 Ste he asked me for a gun. What do I do?_

I received this message five days ago and I still can't stop looking at it. I am constantly checking it, I have been hoping it's me imagining it but it's not, the words are etched into my mind so even when im not looking at the text I may as well be. What did Steven want a gun for? He said he would sort this mess out, said he was not going to let Seamus get away with it, is that what this is? Is he planning on using that gun on my dad? I felt a jolt in my stomach at that, but not because of the fact of my dad being shot I couldn't give a shit about him, but the thought of Steven pulling that trigger and ending a life because of me. I killed Danny for Steven but that's different, he would off hurt Steven if I didn't do as he told me too. But Dad has no reason to hurt Steven now that im gone, so why is he planning this? The thought of Steven ending someone's life was making my stomach churn, I knew what it was like, the flashbacks you get as the life drains from them, the nightmares, always looking over your shoulder in case someone came back for revenge, Steven can't have a life like that it would ruin him, he would never rest, he has kids to protect.  
I told Joel not to get him one, but it had been five days now and I still hadn't heard anything back other that Steven won't leave him alone, texting and ringing at every chance asking if he gotten one. I know it's only a matter of time before he looks elsewhere, but for now all is good, he doesn't have a gun and besides how is he supposed to do it anyway? How is he supposed to get my dad alone somewhere and kill him without anyone noticing? Then there is the matter of disposing the body, Steven would never be able to do it. My phone beeped, a text from Joel.

_Just thought u should know, Chez is going to Southport for the weekend for some business thing. Anyway she has asked Ste to watch Seamus take him out for a couple of drinks and stuff. What u gunna do?_

All of a sudden I was alert running round grabbing everything in sight and shoving it into my bag. This was it, why was I so stupid? Steven doesn't need a gun; there are other things that can kill. He will easily be able to get dad alone, the only problem left is getting rid of the body and I bet he doesn't even think about that too caught up in everything else. It would take about a while to get home, if Chez is going away for the weekend that means she will be leaving today. I picked up my phone and booked tickets for the next ferry out of here, 2 hours' time.  
As I reached reception I practically chucked the room ket at them before running out of the door towards my car.  
I need to get to Steven, now.

Steven's POV. 

Cheryl was leaving tonight, so tomorrow would be the best shot at my plan. I had no idea how I was going to do it but I had to think of something because this may be my only chance at getting Brendan back.  
I made a little to do list in my head-

- Ask Frankie to babysit the kids tomorrow night.

- Sort the drinks out with Seamus.

- Think of a plan.

Right, well the first two are sorted, I text Chez and she arranged told me to meet Seamus at The Dog at 8, and I rang Frankie and after a lot of persuading including free food and drinks for two weeks she agreed. Now was the matter of sorting out a plan of action.

The more I thought about it the easier it all seemed, go to The Dog and get Seamus drunk, that way he would need someone to take him home, their being my excuse to get him alone, then when we are inside there was the matter of doing the dirty work. With no gun there was only a few options, knife, something heavy on the head, pills. I will think of something.

That night when I went bed it should have been difficult to sleep, I should have been tossing and turning thinking about what I was planning on doing tomorrow, but I wasn't, it was the first time since Bren had gone that I actually managed to get a decent night sleep, pretty much as soon as my head hit the pillow my eyes drooped as I fell into a deep sleep, perhaps it was because this time tomorrow it will all be over.


	14. Chapter 14

**Sorry for such a long wait... again. I have just been so busy. Now i have finally decided how this is going to finish and i would say it has about two chapters left. I am hoping to have them both up by tomorrow because i am going away and would love to get this finished first, also i know that starting from tomorrow everyone is just going to go mental with Brendan's Exit. A few people have said they are going to carry on with Stendan fics even after Brendan has left, and i hope they do because i will 100% read them! Long live Stendan/Brendan! I am hoping i write a few more Stendan fics but im not very good with keeping up with the updates haha! **  
**On another note, Kieron Richardson Show was amazing today, he said my name:D! Plus there was a lot of Kimmetting:D! **

**Anyways, i shall leave you with this chapter, its not very long and its not the best, but im hoping the next two will be better this was sort of just the bit to get it to where i wanted it. :D Read and Review, because honestly they mean so much! :Dx**

* * *

Chapter 14.

Steven's POV.

I threw on some t-shirt, I wasn't really taking any notice of my appearance at this moment in time, I was too busy running over my plan time and time again. I combed some gel into my hair to give it a little life and a spritz of deodorant and aftershave. I glanced at myself in the mirror though not really taking in my reflection as I thought to myself; this is it, the night Seamus Brady dies.

I sat down on one of the rickety bar stools and ordered a pint of Darren. I scanned the room to see if I could see Seamus but he hadn't arrived yet. So I instead I looked at the other punters, Cindy was in the corner on her own looking pretty upset with a large wine in her hand, then there was Texas and Leanne giggling about something rather loud and a few others, no one partially interesting. I felt my heart drop a little as I realised there was only one person I was looking for and he was in Dublin. I could sense Seamus's presence and I hadn't even set eyes on him, I could sense his eyes staring at me taking me in. I turned in my chair and looked at him, I thought I would be nervous but I wasn't I just could feel pure hatred. He took a seat next to me and ordered a Stout, disgusting stuff in my opinion.

"Good evening Steven, thanks for inviting me." He drawled his eyes boring into me, a small smirk playing on his face.

"I did it cause Cheryl asked."

"Ah that's nice isn't it?"

I hummed back in reply, what the hell were we going to talk about? How was I supposed to keep him drinking just enough to get him drunk?

"Plus I felt a bit lonely, yano what with Bren gone."

"Ah yeah, Cheryl told me all about his disappearing act."

"Yeah well, you know Brendan, don't stick to anything."

"Ye, including his marriage, but then that's cause Eileen aint a man, she is a fine beautiful lady."

I could tell this was going to be a long night, but it had to be done to get Brendan back where he belonged.

2 Hours Later.

I pulled Seamus from the chair and put his arm around my shoulder, he apparently was drunk every night but I wasn't surprised he was shit at holding his drink, he only had 4 Stouts and 1 whiskey and he was basically out of it, not that im complaining.  
As we walked to the flat we didn't really talk it was more Seamus slurring some rubbish whilst I egged myself on for the act I was about to commit.  
We got to the steps to the flat at I had to practically drag him up then, and it wasn't easy, he wasn't exactly very light. As we reached the door he fumbled in his pocket for a key, he pulled it out and attempted to unlock the door but he failed, so I took the key from his hand and did it for him. The minute the door opened I was greeted with the familiar smell of the Brady house, the warm, the same decorations, but it didn't feel the same as it used to when I used to meet Bren, or have a quick coffee with Cheryl, it felt like it was tainted with a disease, and I suppose Seamus could be classed as that, he was as cruel as one. As I looked around the room I knew I could do it, I knew I could kill Seamus, because I would do anything to get Brendan back, I would do anything to make this place feel how it used to, even if every memory wasn't a happy one, I still wanted it back the way it was.

I walked to the kitchen and opened the cupboards, I searched them, I don't know what I was looking for anything really, Seamus was already flopped out on the sofa, slowly passing out, he would be gone in any second. I carried on looking, I found a large tub of paint, I pushed it aside, it was very light considering it was a big pot, then suddenly I had the urge to look inside it, maybe that drink had gone to my head more than I thought it had, I only had one. I pulled the tub towards me and pulled of the lid, it was empty of paint, but there was something in there, wrapped in a ragged cloth, I reached in at it slowly like some sort of dramatic film, that's when I heard it, a creak behind me. I span round on my feet. I thought my heart had stopped, my eyes widened.

"Brendan."

* * *

I usually say this and then dont, but i am actually going to write the next chapter now, so it should deffo be up by tomorrow.:D


	15. Chapter 15

**I have only just realized that i had never posted chapter 14, i actually wrote that a while ago and edited just after Brendan's exit, so i just must have forgotte to post it like a twat! Anyways, looks like you get two chapters today instead! HA. Sorry about the wait, everything has been so hectic recently but i promise that i will get this fic finished and the other one! Thanks for reading. WARNING M CHAPTER. **

* * *

Brendan's POV.

When I was younger I used to sneak in at god knows what time, I would be greeted with my da passed out on the sofa and I would have to creep past as quite as possible up to my room, sometimes I managed it but there was the odd few times I woke him and he would attempt to hit me but he would be weakened by alcohol so I would get it worse the next day, i would walk to the door and there was times I would actually pray for him to have choked on his own vomit, or I would hope that he had damaged liver beyond repair and had died in his sleep, I would feel disappointed to see the him still breathing, but that is the difference as I sneak into Chez's home I don't feel disappointed, I have to say I think it is the first time in years I have been glad to see his chest rise and fall as he heart beated pumping the blood around his body, because this meant Steven had not yet carried out his task. I drew my eyes away from my da and looked at Steven, he still hadn't noticed I had walked in because he was so busy in his own world trying to find something, anything that could destroy the man on the sofa. As he reached down for the final cupboard under the sink I think my heart may have stopped beating, that was the cupboard with the tub of paint in, the tub of paint that held the one thing Steven desired more than anything at this time. I walked towards him as he opened the lid. The floorboard beneath me creaked and Steven spun round to see me stood in front of him. His eyes widened, he said my name barley audible.

"Brendan."

"Steven."

I stared into his eyes refusing to break the contact, it was so intense I don't think I could have anyway. So many different emotions was flashing through his eyes, confusion, happiness, anger. After what felt like a lifetime he spoke.

"What are you doing here?"

"To stop you making the biggest mistake of your life."

He looked at me, he was deciding whether to fake innocence, but he knows I will figure him out so he goes for the truth.

"But it won't be the biggest mistake of my life will it? Because if I do this there will be no excuse for you not to come back, he won't be around to ruin everything we worked for!"

"Me coming back would be pointless if ye not here Steven."

"What ya on about, course I'll be here."

"No, you will be locked up in a cell somewhere, and we will be limited to 14 hours a week at the most, think about your kids? Would you really want them visiting their dad in prison?"

"Yeah well I don't see me kids do i? And you got away with Danny, who says I won't?"

"Yeah that was luck, and even if you was to somehow get away with it, you will regret it for the rest of your life, the last thing you see before you go sleep is the life leaving his eyes."

"Do you regret killing Danny?"

"No-" I knew what he was getting at. "No but he threatened to hurt you, he was going to kill ye Steven."

"Yeah, threatened he didn't carry them out did he?"

"Yeah only cause I didn't give him time to!"

"But your dad did hurt ya didn't he? He done more than hurt you, he raped you Bren!-"

"Shut up, please Steven."

Steven rose from the floor and looked me in the eyes silently pleading me to listen to him.

"Look at you Bren! He was supposed to protect you, love you unconditionally he was supposed to be there to support you in your choices, he was supposed to stop you from pain, but he didn't he was the one who caused it for you, just because it made him feel big and strong, when really it made him weak and a coward! Look what our parents did to us, Terry was supposed to be a dad to me, instead he beat me and my mum stood by and did nothing, she didn't want me, then I went on to beat Amy, following the footsteps of the two people I hated most, and you did just the same, your dad called you names told you it was wrong to be gay and you believed him, so then you beat me and there is no point us pretending that didn't happen cause it did, just as I can't pretend that I never hit Amy. He ruined your childhood, took your innocence away from you, so please Bren, let me do this."

"I can't."

"Why not?! He is a waste of air!"

Steven bent down and picked the gun from the tub of empty paint, it was a strange sight, seeing him with a weapon so dangerous something that could end a life with the pull of one trigger, but it made him look extremely hot, I felt a rush of blood go straight to my cock, his eyes were wide open as he moved the gun around in his hand, for someone who had never used a gun before he looked like he knew how to handle it pretty well, he took the safety of. I couldn't believe it, just the sight of Steven holding the gun had caused to get a semi. He looked up from the gun and into my eyes through his eyelashes, his own filled with lust, he licked his lips eyes not moving away from mine, I glanced down to see his trousers tighten.

"I have to say Steven, you do make a gun look good."

Before he could respond I grabbed him by the waist and pulled him towards me, I dived in and kissed him with all my efforts putting all my passion into that one kiss, all thoughts of my dad lying on the sofa gone. I pushed his against the side unit my hands still gripping onto his hips; I moved them down to his arse cheeks and lifted him of the floor before placing him on the kitchen unit, there was no time for fore-play, I tugged at his tracksuit bottoms and boxers until they was a heap on the floor, I pulled away for a couple of seconds to take in the sight, Steven Hay sitting on the unit in my old kitchen in just his t-shirt, socks and one trainer, the other must have fell off. I placed my lips back onto his kissing him roughly, my fingers wandered down his body and I felt him lift himself slightly of the unit hands on my shoulders for support so I could slowly slip one, two, three fingers inside his hole, as I prepared him I peppered kisses over his neck and jaw, this man was beautiful.

"Bren, please just hurry up!"

I couldn't deny him something when he was begging, especially when I wanted it just as much as him, I lifted him up and laid him down on the floor, I looked into his eyes and slipped into him slowly, then picking up the pace, as I buried myself inside my boy I could hear him begging, beginning for me to go faster, harder and who am I to deny him what he wants?

"Bren, im gunna…"

"Then do it Steven."

He was shouting out my name and then words I couldn't quite make out, he spilled over both of our stomachs and I hadn't even touched him, he must have been gagging for it! With the sound of Steven to my ears and watching him as he pleasure spread through him I let go and spilled inside him.

As we layed on the floor wrapped up in a bubble of our own, smelling of sweat and sex, breathing heavy, both coming down from our highs, I took the time to look at Steven, properly look at him, take in the rise and fall of his chest, the way his eyelashes cast a slight shadow underneath, the golden tan that is pulled tight around the gradual build of muscle, he looked amazing, yet so different to when we first met. Words couldn't describe how much he meant to me, he is amazing, so I couldn't hold it in when I said,

"I love you Steven Hay."

He looked up at me, bright blue eyes shining as he looked at me, properly.

"I love you too Brendan Brady."

There was once a time when I never wanted to hear them words, if I heard them I would lash out, say it was wrong, but things have changed now he is my everything and I don't know what I would do without him, and everytime I hear him say those three little words it makes my heart swell with happiness, that this man still loves me after everything I put him through.

"Now what?" he asked.

* * *

**Thanks for reading, please review, it will honestly make me update faster!**


End file.
